There’s a lot of noise right now about women, dating, and marriage.
Some of it is justified.
Some of it is cope.
And most of it lacks nuance and discernment.
Yes, there are many women today who openly reject marriage, motherhood, and family life. Feminism, hook-up culture, and radical individualism have produced a large class of women who have no interest in becoming wives, building homes, or orienting their lives around anything beyond personal freedom and self-centered living.
That reality shouldn’t be denied, ignored or played down.
But here’s the mistake many men make:
They take a real cultural problem and turn it into an excuse to opt out of marriage altogether.
And that is a serious error.
Because alongside the women who reject marriage entirely, there are also many women quietly reclaiming femininity; women who want nothing more than to be wives, mothers, and builders of a stable household. They may not be loud and they may not be a majority, but they exist, and they are often overlooked by men who are either cynical, bitter, or unrealistic.
The task is not to endlessly complain about the dating market.
The task is to face the reality of it and press forward, without making yourself a total victim of it.
You Can’t Save a Woman Who Doesn’t Want the Life You Want
One of the most important distinctions a man must learn is this:
There is a difference between a woman who is unwilling and a woman who is unfinished.
Trying to “save” or convert a woman who has no interest in walking the path you want to walk (marriage, family, faith, meaning, order, etc.) is a losing battle. You cannot argue, charm, or out-lead a woman into desiring a life she fundamentally rejects.
That’s not leadership. That’s fantasy.
A woman who despises marriage, resents men, mocks motherhood, or frames commitment as oppression is not a “diamond in the rough.” She is telling you exactly who she is and where she is going… So believe her!
But that is not the same as a woman who is imperfect, still maturing, or early in her formation… but is open.
Openness matters.
A woman who is receptive to leadership, curious about faith, oriented toward family, and willing to grow is categorically different from a woman who is ideologically hostile to those things.
Men who fail to distinguish between unwillingness and immaturity either:
- Waste years trying to rescue the wrong woman, or
- Disqualify every viable woman because she doesn’t meet a fantasy checklist on day one.
Both errors are destructive.
Stop Looking for a Checklist. Start Looking for Orientation.
We live in a fallen culture, in a backwards age.
Expecting a woman to arrive fully formed—perfectly modest, perfectly emotionally regulated, perfectly traditional, perfectly healed—is unrealistic and ungrounded. That mindset often masks fear: fear of responsibility, fear of risk, fear of committing in an imperfect world.
At the same time, blindly “banking on potential” is equally foolish.
The question isn’t:
“Is she perfect?”
The question is:
“Is she oriented toward becoming a wife?”
Does she respect men rather than resent them?
Does she desire family rather than merely tolerate the idea?
Does she respond well to leadership, correction, and structure?
Does she take responsibility for her growth?
Those qualities matter far more than whether she checks every trad-aesthetic or fantasy checklist on day one.
Marriage is not about finding a flawless person.
It’s about choosing someone you can grow with in truth.
Marriage Is How We Fight Cultural Decay
Strong marriages are not merely private arrangements between two people.
They are how new life enters the world; biologically, spiritually, and culturally.
Evil hates life.
Evil hates order.
Evil hates continuity.
When marriages collapse, families fragment.
When families fragment, children suffer.
When children suffer, societies decay.
This is why marriage and family are relentlessly undermined in this fallen age. Not because they are outdated, but because they are powerful.
A godly household is an act of resistance and is not easily controlled by outside forces.
Opting Out Is Not Neutral
Many men today respond to a difficult dating market by opting out entirely. They retreat into work, entertainment, pornography, or endless self-optimization while telling themselves they’re being “realistic.”
They’re not.
They’re surrendering and waving the white flag.
Choosing not to marry because the culture is broken doesn’t protect you from the decay, it participates in it. It leaves the work of rebuilding to someone else while quietly reinforcing the very trends you claim to hate.
If good men withdraw, the culture does not improve.
It just collapses even faster.
A Christ-Centered Marriage Is a Visible Light
A properly ordered, Christ-centered marriage stands out precisely because it contradicts the age we live in.
It shows that:
- Commitment is still possible
- Fidelity is still meaningful
- Masculinity and femininity are not oppressive but complementary
- Stability and sacrifice still produce joy
A marriage like that doesn’t just bless the couple, it signals hope to everyone watching.
And don’t kid yourself, people are certainly watching.
Don’t Let Evil Win by Choosing Sterility
Choosing not to create life because evil exists is exactly how evil wins.
The answer to darkness has never been retreat.
It has always been a faithful commitment to life.
Get married.
Stay married.
Be fruitful.
Build something that lasts longer than you.
That is not naïve.
It is courageous.
And it is needed now more than ever.
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